Welcome, I am Phillip, a human being possessed by a fallen angel named Blur, or just completely and utterly INSANE, not sure?
check out zee youtubessssssss. thnx
'Welcome to the FREAK SHOW - it must feel good to be able to watch the HORROR from a far off distance while you curl up into your PERFECT life' This month really messed my mind up. I'm barely holding on. Hopeless. I'm tired. Of the endless struggle. I can't help but feel life is over, this is the main reason I don't want to be around people. I deal with my pain ALONE I can not be consoled I do not cry on a shoulder.
I sit here FATIGUED In a dark room. Hating my brother for his heartlessness. Seeing my mom hungry and depressed. My mom over a year recovering from a stroke, I'm mentally ill, I do not have a job, or money, he makes THOUSANDS, and lets his mother starve. I hate his guts. He's been against me treating me like dirt since a kid. I am finally walking away from him, no matter what the consequences, my self-respect is too high to be treated this way. It is OVER!
This month was the worst it's been in a while, and after 6 months of 5 days a week, 6 hours a day therapy, I am finally down to one day of therapy, gearing up to be stable enough to get a job this upcoming month, and instead of building my self up the passed ten days, because of my brother, my entire life has been breaking down this passed ten days. But I am gearing up to find a job, so that me and my moms broken hearts, won't ever have to rely on such a bad person as him.
He has hurt me my entire life. I now walk away. He has never been there for me, I can only return the favor, now.
I sit here with my throat hurting. It's just been that messed up of a month. I'm depressed out of my mind. I was almost off caffeine, but this depression got me drinking caffeine till I'm blue in the face. I'M A VICTIM!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe I'll drink some more caffeine and watch a HORROR movie?
I can't tell if I'm DYING, or coming to LIFE?
And you know what's really messed up? If I became rich I would just end up giving everyone in my circle of life, money, because that is the type of person I am. Generous. Thoughtful. Forgiving. That's really messed up. Because nobody deserves anything.
If you find this blog, and you are struggling, I have never had money, I lost my life 18 years ago, and have been fighting this war for *REDEMPTION*, ever since, and I will NEVER give up. If anyone reads this that should've been there for me, "THANX FOR BEING THERE FOR ME" =SHAME ON YOU!
Thanks for all the LOVE!
There's no way to even vent this I need round the clock professional help but I am out of time this is as good as it's gon'na get I'm on my own and I ride alone, now.
Man, my entire BEING hurts...
There's no way back, I'm too far gone.
PAIN: It's really sad how pain can make you crave revenge soo bad. And now I understand, why? Some people in this world do the things that they do. Experience their pain, and you will know. But don't ever break. Don't ever seek revenge, instead seek forgiveness, but I hope that people get what they deserve, cause I know I haven't.
I'm in a 'Race Against Time', like Sherlock Holmes, or Indiana Jones. Like Albert Einstein so obsessed with time he wouldn't put on socks because he calculated how much time that would waste in his lifetime. Got'ta save time when you are on a MISSION of DESTINY!
First stop on this train(ERRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH), is to go viral on social media, get thousands of dollars in my hands, start my 'Travel: Redemption Documentary Of Faith', starting with traveling all of; Long Island(too long of an island), and New York, and that's just the beginning, i will globe trek this planet like people can't even fathom in their wildest dreams. And that hits the global tourism market. A 100% lone-wolf of freakish faith, manic out of his mind having a blast, "come on down to New York.", videos captioned in all languages=SUCCESS(Conquered)
Then the next stop on the train is to start my shirt, mental illness community funding/foundation/donation website/company, to fund people with mental illness's lives. I have all my shirt ideas that I've been working on for years. After going viral, you have the search engine traffic to freely promote and market the website, and people all over the world love to help people with mental illness. I have the design/format set-up, ready to "RAP" and roll, after going viral becoming known and opportunities knocking, cost 20,000 to do this.
"If you didn't believe in my dreams, I'm going to become your worst nightmare"(I'm just kidding)
Don't be afraid! I don't hold grudges or resentments, I'll probably end up giving anyone and everyone who has passed through my circle of life, 10,000 dollars, and document it, to show this world how much greed and neglect hurts people(especially family), how investing in people is the best possible investment, and how a little slice of financial hope can save lives, which brings me to the documentary, called; "Reverse Tithing: 90%", where when i am rich, I am going to throw a HUGE party at venue, give everyone I know at my mental illness program 10,000 and ask everyone if they wouldn't mind saying a little something to the camera of just how 10,000 dollars would help their life, because 10,000 DOLLARS WOULD "LITERALLY" SAVE MY LIFE, but my life was never worth a penny, to any human being I've ever met. so HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I want to live the rest of my life, easing peoples suffering and saving lives, fighting against evil, hitting evil where it hurts, so sue me. Do you ever think about helping anybody? I've met so many selfish people, hitting close to home, I guess they would feel I should thank them for the tough?????????? What did you think I was going to say, *LOVE*? None of anybody ever LOVED me. Inaction speaks louder than words, and cuts, so deep, when you have to live with what you would've done for certain people if the tables were in reverse, it is utterly heart SHATTERING.
Then, I am going to write my first 'Self-Help' book. Multi-Billion dollar industry, and I have helped. my. self. Also the sobriety market too, and mental illness, since I have overcome all of these things, there is a HUGE gap, a huge demand for help in these markets. So how stupid and worthless am I?????? I guess as stupid and worthless as I've been treated? And there's two of me(just kidding, it went with the meme)
Just cause I don't give a FUGGGGGGGG That's what you all taught me :3
Then, from there, I will start my record label, and grab so much talent I've been scoping out all over the internet, and once I have an actual gang, I will start a complete war(beef)with the entire rap industry through professionally made music videos, and all the gangstas will want to kill me, catapulting me and my crew on the cover of ever single rap magazine=MUTHA FUGGEN=BOOOOOOOOOOM. I will be completely invisible in this world, until it is TOO. LATE. ?
BUHAHUHAHAHAHHAHHHHBBUABAABAHAHAAAAAA!
And one day I will find my SOUL MATE QUEEN, my Harley Quinn, and we will CONQUER together!
After the rap industry is DEMOLISHED, it will be on to conquer the hollywood film industry(indie), with a three part trilogy I wrote, about the past, the present unfolding, and then a film to be released after i DIE???????????????????
Then I'll be starting my global research of religion and thee occult, converting to every religion on film, becoming a real life exorcist, visiting all the most dangerously evil, haunted, and holy places in the world, hopefully not dying so that i can finish with a bang in the finale, of skydiving into an active volcano on my 55th birthday purposely sending my self to hell to defeat Lucifer, and become a deity=BAMBBBBBBBB
GOODBYE FOR NOW :(
Oh, and will do a whole bunch of painting and photography before I die. And travel the whole world. Live a life of ADVENTURE, the life people can't even dream of.
Aren't we all just all bored beingz, Craving ADVENTURE????? Human Life is very short, do you really want to be "NORMAL"? ???{in this one life to life}??? Do you ever feel that something is calling you? I've been called for a long time. And I have been slowly venturing toward that voice, echoing in waves of illumination, ENLIGHTENMENT ahead, step into the Rabbit Hole of the UNKNOWN, are you AFRAID? WHY?????
Are you sick of always left feeling unsatisfied, that you can't place your finger on it, but you feel that there's something more? A higher level to be reached?
Don't ever FEAR Take a Leap Jump Blindly, allow your heart and soul to be your guide. FEEL, TRUST.
Who can you trust, If you can't Trust, The Powers That Created US, Holds US, LOVES US.
Are you bored with your life?
Follow GOD and Enter The Rabbit Hole of The Unknown:
You Are Running Out Of Time So Make Your Decision?
"Reality Hides FICTION Fantasy Holds TRUTH?"
Do not let ANYBODY get in your way of this>>>>>>>>>
You have to walk away from all sin, in your life, whatever that may be>>>>>>>>
That is how you walk into the *LIGHT* and become a CREATOR a VOICE a CHANGER of peoples lives, whatever that may be>>>>>>>>>>>
I am just walking into the *LIGHT* now>>>>>>>>>>
Step away from the mediocre the monotony the regular average yawn all day life-style
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?????????>>>>>>>>>
Forward Hop To It Pray for it with all you've got And live the right way to put that into place And take the proper steps DISCIPLINE OBEDIENCE
I am walking AWAY I will not suffer everyone else's FATE our DESTINY is our DECISION {{{?????I've Chosen Mine?????}}} TIME to MANIFEST EVERYTHING
?
Don't ever hold back expressing your self What do you got to fear DEATH We die anyway
So you're just buying TIME
ME TOO
But! Anyone whom shames you for expressing your self has hidden things that they them self are afraid to EXPRESS
Just because one expresses a feeling or thought doesn't mean those thoughts or feelings are acted upon
Thoughts and feelings come in and out of us like a grand central train station Out of our CONTROL (?????or is it?????)
And sometimes, you have to walk away from ALL people, there is no other choice, something is pulling you away from people, but maybe one day people will be allowed, if only the right people come into your life, don't be fooled thinking that all of this is CHOICE.
CHOICE could be quite deceiving and convincing?
To be, or not to be?
If you chose what you see everyone else having, you have chosen, NOT TO BE.
If you have chosen the road, NEVER, traveled, you have chosen to be.
And don't ever try to choose anyone else's road either, if their road is not open for you, or their road is not inviting of you, it was not meant to be, that is the wrong road, walk away GLADLY, with your head held high, that you avoided the wrong road. But, what'do I know?
