I will never love again, and I am ready to die

Feels good to be at this level,
I am still madly in love tho,
but I walk away if someone never wants to see me again,
I respect that.

But not being good enough to even be in someones life,
I don't know how to explain how this symbolizes how terrible being human is,
nobody cares about this person as much as I do,
and my soul is there,
my soul is powerful,
I can't control my souls elevation that is taking place,
and this spiritual eternal connection,
wasn't good enough to be cared about back, I couldn't be good enough,
and as a little human psychology expert myself,
I can see right through to peoples core,
I can tell what people want,
I can see peoples insecurities,
desires,past pains,
I can tell how superficial and temporary minded people are,
and as a super psychic,
I can see people's future,
and the wrong choice was made,
now that karma is set in stone,
and there's only one way to fix it.

and I am moving on,
but it is so hard to forget,
to erase my mind and memories,
the memories are gone,
but you can't erase someone from your heart and soul,
I would kill myself or die for this person,
I just wanted her in my life,
it ripped me apart to lose her,
but she appeared in my dream again last night,
and I woke up in the best mood,
I fall asleep into a trance sometimes and feel her presence,
I can't help it it's not my fault,
I try to forget,
I've tried to erase my mind,
over two months sober from dxm(dissociative chemical),
and I thought that was helping me erase my mind, and I focus on creativity now,
but every night, when i think about her, my heart,
POUNDS SO HARD THAT I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK,
and i have to switch my mind,
but having a heart attack and dying thinking about her wouldn't be bad at all,
but in the dream,
it seemed the message was that she does care and thinks about me a lot,
and it's a shame that two human beings just can't be in each others lives because of some foolish differences.

you can't even get to deserve a chance to prove you are a worthy friend :( 

"there's nothing more motivating, than a broken heart" ~ blur
(and I never want this heart to heal, I do not believe in love anymore, I hate love, when someone hits on me, I will say, "I am not into love, I am into WAR".)

but in reality I feel so much love for people, just don't cross the line and get to close to me and overstep your bounds, or I BITE.

and I know that I'll never see her again, but it's really hard to let go, I can't even feel angry, I'm just sad.

boy was I wrong(1/14/2019)

i'm going to hell to SLAY lucifer

The message here, is that we are all, Royal, and Divine,
a philosophy I came across, surfing the Universal Source with my soul, for answers, that this has been hidden from us, and we have been held down from true ASCENSION
(and for some reason, this has a lot to do, with how women have been held down, because women are divine for bringing us to life)

It's something that is in my soul,
and, "there's nothing more motivating, than a broken heart.",
and having my heart broken, was the final push that I needed,
this is etched in stone, now.

I have been hurt a LOT by this world,
since a baby,
things I don't talk about,
and this is the result.
And this SUFFERING,
has my defenses up,
24/7.

this is my RETRIBUTION for my human family,
cause fallen angel, "lucifer" hates us.
I blame him for the problems of humanity,
I call him "the hidden one",
it is my MISSION to find him, and find answers, 
once and for all, and slay him, if need be.

I hear the battle drums calling us;

this world has been nothing but PAIN AND SORROW,
does pain ever end?
is it possible to ever feel happiness?
or freedom?
is it wrong to feel this way?
I don't know if I'll ever find TRUTH

but I won't say how I plan on defeating lucifer

sapphire 💔