I will never love again, and I am ready to die

Feels good to be at this level,
I am still madly in love tho,
but I walk away if someone never wants to see me again,
I respect that.

But not being good enough to even be in someones life,
I don't know how to explain how this symbolizes how terrible being human is,
nobody cares about this person as much as I do,
and my soul is there,
my soul is powerful,
I can't control my souls elevation that is taking place,
and this spiritual eternal connection,
wasn't good enough to be cared about back, I couldn't be good enough,
and as a little human psychology expert myself,
I can see right through to peoples core,
I can tell what people want,
I can see peoples insecurities,
desires,past pains,
I can tell how superficial and temporary minded people are,
and as a super psychic,
I can see people's future,
and the wrong choice was made,
now that karma is set in stone,
and there's only one way to fix it.

and I am moving on,
but it is so hard to forget,
to erase my mind and memories,
the memories are gone,
but you can't erase someone from your heart and soul,
I would kill myself or die for this person,
I just wanted her in my life,
it ripped me apart to lose her,
but she appeared in my dream again last night,
and I woke up in the best mood,
I fall asleep into a trance sometimes and feel her presence,
I can't help it it's not my fault,
I try to forget,
I've tried to erase my mind,
over two months sober from dxm(dissociative chemical),
and I thought that was helping me erase my mind, and I focus on creativity now,
but every night, when i think about her, my heart,
POUNDS SO HARD THAT I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK,
and i have to switch my mind,
but having a heart attack and dying thinking about her wouldn't be bad at all,
but in the dream,
it seemed the message was that she does care and thinks about me a lot,
and it's a shame that two human beings just can't be in each others lives because of some foolish differences.

you can't even get to deserve a chance to prove you are a worthy friend :( 

"there's nothing more motivating, than a broken heart" ~ blur
(and I never want this heart to heal, I do not believe in love anymore, I hate love, when someone hits on me, I will say, "I am not into love, I am into WAR".)

but in reality I feel so much love for people, just don't cross the line and get to close to me and overstep your bounds, or I BITE.

and I know that I'll never see her again, but it's really hard to let go, I can't even feel angry, I'm just sad.

boy was I wrong(1/14/2019)