ANGEL NUMBER 444 and the 4TH BLOOD MOON?

Here's my photo of the, 'Aries Super Blood-Moon Total Lunar Eclipse', suppose to CHANGE YOUR LIFE????????(9/27/2015 - 10;41 PM)

I kid you, not?

"You will begin to lose your faith, and that's the moment you have to fight like hell." ~ BLUR

I was feeling REALLY odd.
So I sat in the shower in the dark, meditating and praying, and felt I wanted my vitamin C and green tea, cause I'm out of them, and they're so pure and potent, you have really intense dreams, and cellular regeneration from them while you sleep.
So I took a walk up to the store,
But I noticed the full moon,
But I heard about an hour before about this, "Blood-Moon" taking place on Sunday(tonight is Saturday, September 26th-2015, but midnight is the 27th, and I never heard of two full moons in a 48 hour period), and in the news it said that Mormons are FREAKING OUT about this?????

So I thought nothing of it. Almost every week there's another -rare- moon.

But I'm overwhelmingly INTENSE tonight?
And when I first walked outside I wondered why there was a full moon, and I stared at it a bit(like a Saiyan in Dragon Ball Z=I Wish)

And I drank a lot of blackberry for vitamin E today, and my diet has been really CLEAN.

So on the way back, walking, this song came into my head;

So I go to listen to it, and the number of comments were 444?
So I looked up those angel numbers,
And it's about the angels being by your side,
BUT,
I look up this blood full moon,
And it turns out,
That it's an Aries - Full Moon, Harvest Moon, it's the 4th consecutive, Blood Moon Total Lunar Eclipse in the passed 2 years, spawning this HORRORific documentary that I don't wan'na watch.

It's always the endings of music videos that get me, it's like saying we're born insane(some=most=maybe?), but you make it through the day to when you are finally alone, where you can pray, the one place(with GOD)where you can feel normal, where you are finally away from all the madness of this world.

But it's bizarre stuff?

I see why they're all buggen,
I'm buggen too...
Not cause of any feeling or fear of the end of the world,
But just the sheer MADNESS of how bizarre things align?

There's a couple different dates floating out there for this  4th blood moon, but full moons always hype me up. 

The Popes out here in New York, too.
(Weird Shtuff)
           ?

It's definitely TIME for bed

Letting it all go.

"Family don't let family drown, and if they do, they are not your family."

"Inaction speaks louder than words."

(The pain of)NEGLECT:

The difference between abusive people and neglectful people, is that; abusive people you can't escape from because THEY won't let you go, but neglectful people have already let you go. It's up to you to let them go and move on.

I have this analogy in my head, that so many people have so many 'life-preservers', and you're out to sea drowning, and they don't throw you one of their MANY life preservers?

Where's the HONOR in that?
Where's the SACRIFICE?

=There is none!

It's a harsh realization I wish'd come to YEARS ago, is that, nobody cares.

There's nothing I can do about that. If people don't care about me, there's no doorway for me to enter, there is absolutely no way to connect to that.

When you realize that all people care about is their money; Money over family(loved ones)=it's time to go.

The reality is that money is their GOD.
They WORSHIP money. 
Means more to them than life itself(well, their life, no-one else's)

When you realize you have absolutely no WORTH to anybody, it's time to move on further out to sea where you don't have to have lay sight of them ever again.

I'm trying to move on!
But yet, another string, after string, tied to people from the past keeps reappearing. And none of them can understand these wounds, and how letting go of fake people that could only PRETEND to care, is completely necessary. 

You either; care or you don't.
You're either; with me or against me.

And if you neglect or hurt my mom=Fugget about it
That STAINS
That STINGS

and DOUBTERS(non-believers)are the worst.
I can smell doubters from a mile away.
They doubt your dreams with their, 'micro-expressions',
wishing failure upon you.

I'm finally FREE.
Cause PSYCHICLY,
I always knew?
I always had such an uncomfortable anxiety around my family spanning well over a decade. I was just blind to see that none of them ever really cared.

It's like removing a silverback gorilla from your,,,?,,,BACK that is,,,?,,,holding you,,,?,,,BACK,,,?
(a huge, weight off)
(unsuffocation)
(I'm beginning to breath again) 

And when I think about what I would've done for any of my family if any of them went through what I went through? If the tables were in reverse and one of them was drowning and I had my life in order? I'd have done, ANYTHING, to help them get their life back, I was just never worth it to anyone. And all this time, I haven't been a lost cause. I've been fighting with every ounce of my WILL for *REDEMPTION*(And I SHALL Have it!!!!!!!)

This topic makes my blood boil, but when I see my moms pain, toppled on top of my pain, it just sets it off. 
But I can finally write about this, pain. And people live trapped in this -'blood is thicker than water'- type of thinking where they feel they're not allowed to walk away, but the truth is, most family's destroy each other, but mine was just a neglectful/uncaring lot.

This blog has ended, up here, cause of witnessing my moms struggles this morning, seeing how HORRORble she has been treated. Her heart is broken.

NO ONE CARES=Is The Truth

When she lets go of the people that have broken her heart, she comes alive(rebirth/reborn)at the end, and that is so true, and all she needs is GOD, because the scars from the pain they've inflicted, made her so dead inside, but letting them go resurrected her.

The pain I feel from them...

FULL CIRCLE

Strange, how one can come around, "Full Circle"?

How one can walk through pure taintedness and come out the other end a pure being?

I see so many people end up so BITTER about their hardships, instead of using the pain as an eternal spiritual portal to growth and enlightenment, to become a better person; AWAKENED

I always said, "The things a person goes through will either make them a better person or a worser person." - Bad or Good=A Choice

If you become a better person, you will feel great about it; proud.

If you become bad you will despise and resent the whole world and all of existence, but one thing is clear..., you get to choose. No one else's fault for making you choose evil.

Sometimes I felt evil liked me more because I was so screwed up.

Hell, I would've been good at being bad. But I always choose the side of Faith and GOD, so doing anything bad felt poisonous toxic.

I always say, "If there is a bird with a broken wing it is so easy for evil to cause harm on that bird, but to heal, to save, or to help that bird? Now THAT is going to take effort."

Strange?,
How I know it's over?

Like when I walked away from heroin addiction, 
I just knew that experience(chapter)was at a close?

And
Now.

I realize,
That I somehow finally formulated into the center of a pure obedience.
 - An understanding.
 - A letting go of the physical realm. 
 - A repurification,
A ReBIRTH - of being.

------------

I've come, *FULL CIRCLE*, in life.

------------

From birth(pure),
To impurity, destruction, and death(sin),
Then back through the wormhole of unbreakable faith in GOD to come full circle back to purification.

Conscience light as a feather.
(I let go)

When you let go of the past(backwards)and the future(forward)and you EXIST in the(now)present, and aim all your energy(upward)to GOD, cause that's were you can embrace to go.
If you choose?

I realized it was time to walk away
and leave all it behind.

That it was time?

That I was hoping one day my mind would change
and I'd be free.

This journey is within you!

I let it go!

I can rest my head knowing that I am a good person.

¿REDEMPTION?

OH, This is something you're going to have to fight for with EVERYTHING you can muster-up.

REDEMPTION - Is not something that is given freely, and feels so hard to come by.

I've given in to the fact that I might never even get to, taste, REDEMPTION, but there's nothing I want more than REDEMPTION.

A Reborn,
Resurrection,
Rebirth,
Renewal,
Reawakening,
Reconstruction,
Reinvigoration,
Remastering,
Revisement of A,
Reinvention of SELF?

MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmM

I've lost all taste buds to that...,

A wholesome puzzle of SELF once whole - broken into pieces - then SHATTERED into scattered particles; lost in the source? 

¿¿¿¿¿Never to be WHOLE again?????

Divine Intervention would be the Only Way>

Commonality.

Born, to die, to be REBORN.
Suffering is a part of all life, if you think you're alone, YOU'RE NOT.
Happiness comes in waves;

Embrace the wave and drown in it!

Learn to exist in the quantum infinity of time; MATHEMATICS.

This is not just human. We all face this physiological mortality.
And we all 'get thru it.'

Sleeping Awake
Awakened Sleeping

Through breaking down
Built up

There's no time to believe that physical possession has worth.

WE'RE ALL INSANE!
(just some of us have momentary control believing it will never fade)
=The Illusion

Yin and Yang*
Bi-Polarity
The Great Contradictory of Infinite Paradoxes?
CONTRAST*
=For One Can Not Exist Without The Other,
(The Great VACUUM)

Some of us BELIEVE,
...and some of you will never get to taste that...
:(

FEAR turns into FIERCE
Pain becomes pleasure because there's no way to avoid pain so you embrace it.
...You reprogram
, "like a spiritual being hard wired into a physiological-biological machine." 
Being an, 'opposite person', I call it?
Rubber banding back on itself by going to the supposed opposite wrong end of the spectrum as a subconscious means of bouncing back to the furthest height in the opposite direction to attain understanding of being human?????

SINS become CLEANSED

¿Would we really be so different than a robotic A.I. of consciousness?

SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS!

This morning I felt like part of, "The Truman Show", as the alarm clock I purposely had set real far away from me, at 4:30 AM in the morning, really loud so it would definitely give me a jolt to get ready to walk 3 miles to my 10 AM therapy, and as the alarm clock sounded WAYYYYYYYYY louder than it really was, my body actually jumped into the air off of my bed while my body was wrapped in the blanket, as I ran to the alarm clock to put the pillow over it like when someone smothers someone to death with the pillow, as I blindly with my eyes closed, searched for the plug to pull in the dark.

And I kind'a felt humorous at this point.

So I went to make my morning tea, yawning, and I spilled a little boiling water on my foot thru the sock, and made the, "Shaggy" - from - Scooby Doo, sound, "YOWWWWWW!", and as I was putting the milk back, I thought, "What the hell am I part of 'The Truman Show' or something?"

Cause, recently, I was watching this therapy TV show called, "Michael: Tuesdays and Thursdays". And the main patients name that the therapist was treating for a lot of years, named Michael(Captain Obvious), the therapist said about Michael, "To Michael, life is a sequence of obstacles". And I thought, "Wow, that's me..."

Well...,

I've learned recently how important our perception of things is.

And I've recently heard an acronym for the word 'FUN'(Finally Understand Nothing)=When your mind is clear with nothing to understand then everything you see and hear will be in fun.

Cause,
Seriously,
As a kid,
I knew NOTHING about this word,
And I was having,
A GRAND OLE TIME.

Actually,
'FUN' 

is from Gary Busey,

as I seen him on Dancing With The Stars, 

at age 71,

having a grand old time.

A -Buseyism-,

they are called. ;)

People say you can't go back to being a kid,

but I say,

Being a kid was a mindset!

Instead of the opposite of how I was as a kid, 

viewing every moment of life right now as an obstacle,

I'm going back to the mindset of where every step in life was, FUN.

Every knew step, knew scene, moment, was another OPPORTUNITY to have fun,

and laughter.

"We have the potential to be super intelligent creative geniuses with the power to manifest and manipulate reality." ~ BLUR

REBIRTH

A Metamorphosis Kiss.
The kind that transforms you.

A process of cosmic odeuos osmosis,
that REBORNS you.

You never quite can tell when the initial wave is coming,
But it will leave you 'drowning for more'.

Where confusion turned into ENLIGHTENMENT. 

Where madness became STABILITY.

Where darkness FORCED THE LIGHT THRU.

Vulnerability becomes POTENCY.

Weakness becomes your STRENGTH.

And 'Letting-Go' became the only real way to GRASP THIS.

And aiming upward instead of forward and backward looking at the past and the future would be the only way to ASCEND.

"I'll see you there,
but we'll see who makes it there FIRST?"

The lower the depth you have reached,
The higher the height you could spring.

Only to bleed.
Is to heal.

Only to erase,
Is to leave a mark.

Only to go blind,
Is to see.

Everything is a contrast,
so to be at PEACE with DEATH,
is a REBIRTH.

I once heard someone say, "You have to die to be reborn."

... ... ...

I woke up from a nightmare that day, AND BEGAN TO DREAM.

GOODNIGHT!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

SOMETHING JUST,
CLICKED,
IN MY BRAIN?

Everyone has demons.
Demons to battle, defeat, and overcome in their life.
But what happens when you defeat your main demon?

I feel I'm just about to overcome mine!
=WHAT'S NEXT?
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO FIGHT
(THANK GOD)

... ... ...

What ever has happened to you,
Whatever you've witnessed,
Experienced...

Who you are...,
Will leave you with a perception of things that you can't ignore.

I am mourning the loss of this illusion called life;
Ignorance WAS bliss,
But knowing the *TRUTH* would set you FREE.

This is all WEIRD in my perception
To the Universe we are the same size as insects, their lives matter to them, I feel horrible to have to kill one.
To the Universe we only exist as human for a mere second.
I don't think life ever ends, that there is no such thing as 'non-existence', because, not existing is the only thing unimaginable, you can not imagine not existing, so therefore, that doesn't exist?
I feel plant life!(I have two plants, they got wounded recently=I FELT IT
MONEY IS A PRISON SYSTEM
(WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE WHAT WE NEED UNLESS=$$$)
(who set that up?)
Tons of various alien species, come and go here, run the show here(that's obvious), what is the truth in that? What does that mean about us?
A.I.(Authentic Intelligence)is already here. It's all about consciousness, could be put into anything.
Everything is energy, all physical reality is energy vibration, you just can't see that brick wall vibrating, but it is.
Human Beings have a super intelligence within them, to MANIFEST, but because we don't live pure, because some species(something)is here influencing our lives with poisonous/toxic life choices, blinding us, DEVOLVING our species=WHY?
RELIGION scares me..., cause there's no way anybody could possibly tell whether it is real or not, we are just born, and as babies we have these other human beings telling us that that is reality, with no precipice?
Suffering is a part of all life systems that we know of, so pain is nothing to fear.
I can't grasp the way people interact with each other, here,
to obtain things?
I've always been able to sense people's energy, why I like really kind people.
You have to practically sell your soul in some manner to get anything here,
or,
you have to be part of some, group, organization, society, religion, to survive.
Relationships are impossible for me, if there isn't an eternal/spiritual connection, it seems pointless.
EGO is the problem
All I see is DANGER
Everything has become an OBSTACLE
Let go, of what is temporary, for what is ETERNAL!
*ASCENSION* IS REAL!
*SOUL* IS PRICELESS!
(everything else has fake value)
(cause, you can have whatever you want here, but you can't have more time)
CREATIVITY is of, *The GODZ*, cause their main power is *CREATION* and we are made in the image, therefore we are miniature creators.(true)
(this is why we have the power of manifestation, but at such a lesser level)
There's so much/so many more things that I see and it irks me to not see other people noticing these things, but it doesn't matter anyway, there's so much I'll never see, and most seeings are illusions anyway=WELCOME TO THE REAL LIFE MATRIX

JUST, *LET GO*(step one)
(step two), *SURRENDER TO GOD* - TO A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE

... ... ...

I'M ON BORROWED TIME?
(i should be dead but i'm not)
(what does someone do with that?)
(live for GOD cause everytime i try to do anything, just end up wanting things i can't have)
(if i'm on 'borrowed time' and GOD kept me here for a reason,
it means i have to let everything go, 
right?)

How fake is all this?????

Once you realize this, you will never be the same.

(i've finally let everything go)

... ... ...

p.s. - someone recently said that they stopped listening to music?
         I felt bad cause i realized how dead inside they were?(MUSIC?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=17&v=zN-GGeNPQEg