Welcome, I am Phillip, a human being possessed by a fallen angel named Blur, or just completely and utterly INSANE, not sure?
check out zee youtubessssssss. thnx
I HIDE MY FACE behind glasses, and hats, running from shade to shade, to avoid people in the light, do not get too close, for I am wounded, and will strike, like a boa constrictor. I HIDE MY FACE because I feel ugly, hideous hisses in the pale moon light, are my specialty, for I can be my best, in a nice dim light, but if you put me on the spot, you will never see me again. POOF! I disappeared from your life like a ghost, I don't want to feel the pain ever again of your shallow judgments. I hide from the Sun like a vampire. I feel like a vampire that never tasted blood. I feel lonely, but need to be alone, because who will not wound me. I am pretty; I know. People want me; I know. I am beautiful on the inside, and some parts of my outside. I HIDE MY FACE because I don't have the perfect skin pores, I'm not "up to par", I'm so close to purrrrfection, but so far. I HIDE MY FACE because this world is cruel, maybe my nose is too big, glasses will take care of that, and a nice shadow as my blankie for I will always be a child, most lovers will only love for a day, until your body starts to fade away, and they lack, faith. I HIDE MY FACE because maybe my muscles aren't big enough and I feel men want to punch me, maybe soon that will change? this is a violent world, and maybe I don't have million dollar teeth, but I am a child of GOD, and maybe soon will have million dollar teeth? GOD LOVES ME, but it don't matter, cause human, I HIDE MY FACE
Trust. Relief. GOD WOULD NEVER HURT ME! Letting-Go. Moving-On. SURRENDERENCE! Liberated. No More Loneliness. I Understand WHY? I Don't Want Anyone To Ever Love Me or Care About Me, Ever. And I Do Not Want To Love. You Love, You Lose. I Give This Life Away. I Am Barely Here. One Foot In This World, The Rest Of Me Already In Spirit World, and it is EXHILARATING! Into The Rabbit Hole Of The Unknown We GOooo, Death Will Bring New Life, Death Will Bring New Bliss, Where There Is No More Running Out Of Time, Watching In HORROR As The Ever Cracking Hour Glass Runs Out Of The Sands Of TIME? ...and maybe some faith would do me good...
"We are all geniuses, do not judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree" Shadows Fall, Memories Fade! The Future is catching up to you, and you don't know what to do? ashes-to-ashes, dust-to-dust, morning wood - or - steel rust. Climbing the staircase to Jacob's Ladder, if you dare. We have now entered The Rabbit Hole! Scaredy Cat, 9 Lives. Infinite tries, LSD in the rye. You thought I'd say catcher? Caught a bad batch, time confined in a watch. Which way is the Witch? Which way did the Witch go? Yo, Watch this Time-Peace? The sands of eternal life got you by the spine. The Kama-Sutra, No this Karma don't suit you. A Zoot Suit Riot would do the Trick? No Time to be Froze! You snooze, you lose. Blue's Clues was that Dude? Stephen Hawking said GOD don't exist? Well, I guess he would know, then. We're all ALIENS The Proof Is In The Puddin The Devil Is In The Details Human means HYBRID , we're all a fusion of extraterrestrial DNA Joan Of Arc was a Schizophrenic! WORD, she is the, BOMB But remain CALM It Is ADVENTURE TIME! How come when kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up nobody says they would like to become a; DEITY, and save HUMANITY? We don't think BIG enough. We don't think highly enough of ourselves to let the EGO, goooooooo :O Run Like The Wind Embrace Death Shake The Grim Reapers Hand Because We All Break Chase-Dreams, because the dreams are your path, and if you ain't following your dreams, you are off your GOD GIVEN path. That Is The Secret!(shhhhhhhh) Or you'll be waking up to a nightmare every damned day, with no FAITH an empty shell, heading to spare hell, eternity means timeless realm, so don't worry, you'll get out one day. Nothing Lasts Forever! Do Not Follow Anybody But GOD, That Is The Key! Is Anything Here Worth It?; LOVE IS=QUESTION? I'm With Stupid. Stupid is as stupid does, so I dragged my name thru the mud, because we are all slugs. None of us have asked to be BORN So we could be BORN in anyone else's shoes; EMPATHY, is King-Pin! We Are All One Entity! I had to die to become reborn... , and this world is BEAUTY and HORROR There Is No ESCAPE so enjoy the escapades. Live in the present, forget about the past, it is already rewritten, and let go of the FUTURE Convert to every religion and consume it all. Live Celibate, Conserve Your Seed, And AWAKEN Repurification of the cell, it's never too late, to bust out of this cell, and grab hold of your SOUL Can You BREATHE This? Read it and weep it. Nothing grows without water, so make sure to cry your eyes OUT GIVE ALL YOUR MONEY AWAY! MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL SO LET'S SLAP THAT DIRTY DEVIL IN THE FACE PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm Out=LACEDddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
and LOVE is in the air? :D (and I plan on giving her THE WORLD)
Filled out my first job application yesterday. There is 36 days till Spring, it is my first experience of The Year Of The(FIRE)Rooster, which is a very RARE Year Of The Rooster that hasn't happened since 1957. My Aries Astrological Cycle is coming up first day of Spring, and I am down to one cup of tea a day, almost caffeine free preparing for Lent: 40 days and 40 nights to begin on March 1st :)
So I got 36 days to get a job, and I am not PROcrastinating, at all.
Last Spring and Summer I did absolutely nothing, accept focus on hardcore therapy, 5 days a week, 6 hours a day.
This Spring and Summer I plan on doing meditation video walks every time it rains. Being a completely free spirited soul. I Plan On Taking Over One Industry At A Time!
THE PLAN: I am going to use the little extra money to do a Spring and Summer video tour of Long Island, by looking up free and cheap events, such as 'parades/festivals/carnivals/fairs/seasonal/music/beach/local attractions/town hopping' all sorts of; weird, wild, wacky fun shtuff. And I think of it like turning up as a lonewolf reporter. I show up quick, experience things, move fast as Flash, get video footage, and BOUNCE.
I think of this as a term I call; 'The Anti-Social SocialLite' :D
So I'm going to gather as much videos as possible, with some offbeat comedy ideas I have, and then at the last day of Summer, prepare to start my - KickStarter/GoFundMe Million Dollar campaign for a documentary about my philosophy that the number one best investment is to invest in our fellow human beings.
Yes, I am planning on getting one million dollars to do a 'reverse tithing' documentary giving all my money away in 10,000 dollar clips because that is just how I roll. I am not a greedy person, I care about *PEOPLE* not money$$$$$$$$.
People can go take their "precious" money and shove it up their a$$$
That's what you all people that worship money look like to me. And anyone who has ever doubted me?(=wrong bet) (always bet on BLUR)
Till My Climactic PIQUE next year of doing a film documentary tour of New York City(and New York State)because I will be FILTHY RICH and will be able to pay to stay in motels(or hotels, always confused about that?).
With a job I will be able to afford to see most of Long Island, and hopefully with the climactic pique of ending towards 2017=STRONG by going to 'Hamptons International Film Festival' October 5-9 would be, LEGIT.
There's so much to see on this planet. Really excited about touring New York, a Travel Documentary of REDEMPTION(and Faith in GOD), and want to see every museum in the city.(goals)
As it snows like crazy out here, in 'to Long of an Island, New York', I brace my self for the storm of life. I want to be in the eye of the storm, where I can see things clear. Too far left, or too far right is life threatening, we have a triple threat tomorrow night; an eclipse, a comet, and a full moon all in one. Excited! But, it is the 9th of February, a time of the good ole', 'New Year, New Me', we all change with *Time. But I was ready to start looking for a job, I was pumped up feeling strong, then caught a cold, almost made it four years without catching a cold because I really been living an isolated life but now am around people a lot, it was inevitable but I am a hypochondriac so Armageddon hit my life and my life was OVER.
From the 9th of January to the 20th of January, I was sick, over-exaggerated like I was going to die, so around the 15th of January I gave in and drank some cough suppressant(dextromethorphan), and felt(angry at GOD), "Well, if you're going to treat me like Constantine(being sick and having to live off cough suppressant), well then I am going to ACT like Constantine". And of course that made everything 10 times worse. So I was angry at the whole world, at people and humanity, because this is what happens in society/the public/communities because the world isn't such a nice place and people aren't taken care of so people walk around ill and you have to avoid human contact LIKE THE PLAGUE.
So then my mom which barely leaves the house and has no human contact really, inevitably gets sick, almost dies, we're driving to the doctor on an empty tank, counting change to fill the prescription, mom suffering to death physically and financially, and no family that is suppose to care for her, a beautiful woman stripped of LIFE by this cruel world, not a family member in site. Just me, with mental illness, the only one taking responsibility because I love my mom. But my mom wanting to die, saying that she just wants to go home and go to sleep(and not wake up). And I pray for that peaceful passing for my mom.
I picture my mom in the after-life, beautiful angelic spirit being, I feel it is a little psychic gift to be able to see what people will be like in the spirit realm, but some people I see are devolving, maybe into mush, maybe a backwards reincarnation to a lesser being because of Karma and not a desire or hunger for GOD and building up of their spiritual self, I have spent the passed half of my life soul-searching building up my soul. But the obsession with health and being human(anthropology), I am convinced there is still hope. I become a health master, millionaire, get my mom a home and garden, my mom a million dollar credit card limit, a handsome chef for my angel mom, an at home gym, and LOTS OF DOGS AND CATS(and hopefully; love, marriage, holy matrimony, and *CHILDREN OF GOD*(i wish-heehee), because now you have to stay alive when you have dogs and cats.
This is the plan. Get my mom all new teeth. Take my mom to Israel to walk with Jesus. Sounds simple enough.
I was so hurt at the end of January. As always it is over money; I get 1,200 dollars a month, have severe mental illness, and go to a mental illness community, and live with and take care of and keep happy and laughing and make my mom feel beautiful, but OH "he needs to get a job" "he needs to provide", meanwhile, my mom gets 700 dollars a month, my dad still to this day sends 500 a month(thanks to my dad), and "sibling", maybe around a 100 dollars all together, while his mother and brother starve and bow down and kiss the feet, kiss the ring of his holiness, kissing his ass, and for what, to get thrown a crumb that lasts a day and then got to grovel indignifyingly with such a feeling of AGONY. And the it's "a loan" anyway. But I was made out to feel all these years that "I help the LEAST", that is some serious 'emotional abuse', it's pathetic, it's vampiryc, it's a psychopathic means of depriving people you supposedly love to torture them to feel, "they fugken NEED my ass"=fugken SICK(sicko)(all these years)
so i WRITE!!!!!!!!
to get the feelings out
I don't want people like that in my life.
Emotional Vampires!
But 9 days later I feel forgiving. That I'll become rich and everyone I know I will make rich. And because they all worship and love money so much, does that mean that they will finally love me?
FORGIVENESS (if not for the other person, for self, and for GOD)
Then into the new month(cause every month it is a different thing), my landlords knock and say that we owed them a 160 dollars which we only remember borrowing 100, and would NEVER BORROW THAT MUCH, oh my GOD a hundred and sixty dollars is a lot. I'm sure that's like 6,000 dollars to them, because would it prevent you from eating? It prevents us.
I'm really just sick of money. I'm sick of people and their money. I'm sick of people worshipping money and living as money is more valuable than an actual human being soul. I've never met anyone that cares more about people than money?
Now I am looking for a job, with 39 day countdown to Spring, 40 days and 40 nights of Lent beginning March 1st to Easter Sunday, My Aries cycle beginning, and a very blessed it's my YEAR OF THE FREAKEN FIRE ROOSTER BABY, which only happens every 12 years, the year of rooster, but not since 1957 the fire element, which is aries too. I am feeling super dooper looper trooper lucky right now.
Become rich=money never an issue ever again=move far the hell away from EVERYBODY(maybe on a freaken island, seriously, with no phones to contact me, or nothing)=GOODBYE and;
I FORGIVE YOU NOW!
There's no one else to forgive. I am a forgiving person, I just want to stop being HURT
