"THE ANGEL MAFIA": August 2017

Thursday, August 31, 2017

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

This is where it all drifts away from existence,
where time washes over everything,
as everything becomes erased.

The last time I will ever think about,
or speak about love.

As I fall into the grave, of life,
I take my burdens with me,
never to speak of them again.

Love is a lie,
and the people you want to care about you, never will.

And being human is a trick.

As I try to hide away from my self,
away from my thoughts,
my emotions,
I keep my shadow behind me,
in my dark lit room,
with my headphones on so that I can avoid the sound of the world.

A final goodbye to my heart,
I won't miss you,
you've caused me nothing but pain,
and have never been touched by love,
I have no idea what it feels like to be loved,
and never will.
I really was never able to imagine.

, and that is ok.

THE LOST PASSION;
I give every ounce of my passion up to God

As Summer comes to a close,
I will erase every memory that I have ever had before this.
Into Oblivion!
Till there is no memories left of my past existence.

A shattered shell,
wounds exposed.

A poet couldn't win a heart forever.

A songwriter couldn't win your heart.

A shallow suffering,
a victim of transitory temporaryness,
waiting for time to be HARSH?

But most humans are into what is temporary, and not what is eternal,
and what's the point of that?

, and dare anyone try to come near me with love,
OUCH
love is my kryptonite.

I meant nothing to anyone,
up to this point,
and that is a sad truth,
as people could say,
"I would care about you",
no you wouldn't,
that is a lie.

Maybe you'd care for a little while.

, or you would just pretend you care,
just to throw me away.

And love fades away for us all like the fallen leaves of the Autumn season,
but thinking love will last is a delusion.

How can you hold onto something that is tearing apart with time?

I know the answer?

I just want to be left alone.
From here on out.
I always knew I was alone.
But I held on to false hope.

I just want everybody to leave me alone.

Someone told me that their heart had never been broken,
and that their heart was safe.
And I felt happy for her.
And would never wish that on anybody,
cause once your heart breaks,
you are never the same.

And if you've never been loved?

That is a whole nother world.

A precious stone nobody knows exists,
a person that never had love,
that type of loyalty is rare,
cause no one has that level of devotion.

, and now it is lost in the sea of the universe,
forever,
never to be discovered.

I'm ok.

Monday, August 28, 2017

I have a reason to stay alive;

I have a reason to stay alive;
I want to stay alive, so that I can go to everyone who has ever hurt me's, funeral.
I'll be a multi-millionaire and give a list of names to a private investigator to tell me when one of them dies,
so I can go to their funeral and say goodbye.
and say, "I forgive you!",
now THAT'S poetry...

~ BLUR

Heart Break Diary: I CHOOSE GOD

I've been through a brutal lesson in life,
to choose God above everything.

I remember since Kindergarten looking for that female connection, I remember since then, in a very sad way trying to connect with that one-and-only special person, and have never been able to find that, and loneliness and the desire for love has totally kept me from God, except for when I would always come crying back to God, "why don't a woman love me?". Nobody has ever fallen in love with me.

But I feel the pain is finally over, I will never love ever again.
That is the lesson...

And at this point I feel blessed in a very curseful way of learning that most human love is temporary whether two lovers realize it or not, in this world the cards are stacked against love, I've been saying for a long time, I'm furious that, "we live in a world that does not allow love to thrive", meaning, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT FOR LOVE.

And I just fought with everything I had for over a year and a half, and the person I fell in love with didn't want my love, and I'm here to tell you, the 'forever broken hearted' that it is ok, seek God's Love. :)