"baby steps"(Day4)40Dayz&40Nightz Ouija Board preparation diary

I don't care if I used this song in a blog before,
feeling so motivated right now,
I am focused on "building my mystery".
And walking away from this world,
leaving this world behind.

Heard this song as I was hopping in the shower,

, as I said, I was hopping in the shower, and,

, and Sarah McLauchlan - Building A Mystery, came on the radio.

I have been so tormented,
so tortured,
so distracted from life's mission,
by desiring love,
and being so unloved and alone my entire life,
the agony has been BLINDING

, and this 40Dayz&40Nights preparation,
to face the ouija board,
is to completely overcome any desire for love,
in this 40 day period,
and then how bad my heart has been broken,
feeling a death wish,
wanting to die,
I feel facing a horror,
such as facing a demon,
is the only way to get over her.

But I will leave my bloody heart with her,
I close the 'book of love',
she will always be the only woman I ever loved,
I walk away from love,
and want absolutely nothing to do with love.

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"baby steps" similar to the "picking up the pieces" philosophy, of building, working on what the next step in front of you is, that will lead you to the step after that, but you can't leave any steps undone, so this has been a HUGE step that I can't get passed; giving up the desire to be loved. giving up on my loneliness. accepting that I will always be unloved and alone. and letting that go.