"Seeking Redemption"(Day5)40Dayz&40Nightz Ouija Board preparation diary

What a strange quote, "the secret of redemption LIES in remembrance?"

I never like the word, "LIES" I usually say, "LAYS",
because who likes the word, LIE? It's trickery?

That quote can almost be saying,
'the key is to forget'
'to wipe your past clean?'
to be reborn would be to start fresh,
to be 'born again',
brand-new?

And it's sad to say that I feel redemption lays on the other side of facing a ouija board demon, or monster, that my heart has been that brutally broken, by someone that I tried to show how much she meant to me for over a year and a half, to find out she cares nothing about me, has destroyed me.

I lost my life almost 20 years ago,
and hoping that after 20 years of suffering,
I can be redeemed,
please?

I've been thru enough,
I don't know if my heart and soul can ever heal,
but I can at least strengthen my heart and soul again,
wrap my heart and soul up,
and give my heart and soul up to God,
and continue?

NOOOO IIIIIII DON'TTTTTTTT

I feel the first step is rebirth.
Before battling the ouija board in 36 days from now,
I fight for the spiritual phenomenon, called,
"40 days and 40 nights",
a purification of the heart, mind, and soul.

I just want make it thru the day and fall back into my bed of nightmares and sad loneliness.

IIIIII AMMMM SOOOO ALONEEEEE
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