DAMAGED?

(can't have a blog about being damaged without the joker, cause we really are all a product of how damaged we have been, aren't we?)
I can't sleep, cause I went to this, creative industry, innovative minds, community event, with scientists, psychologists, spiritual healers and teachers, and had such a bizarre night of digging deep, into "SELF",

, and I lay here feeling so DAMAGED, beyond recognition.
And hoping to be able to continue life, really forgetting about my entire past from this day forward,
and the goal of dissociation is to forget the pains and traumas, the tragedies, like they never existed, that they are not real, they never actually happened,
with the hopes to be able to continue in life in a tough, warrior way.

So I am starting a 40 days and 40 nights film documentary leading up to a complete film documentary on me facing the Ouija Board as an aspiring deity, putting my heart and soul on the line, in a psychology way I finally broke it down, not perfectly, but I hurt my self and put my life at risk to deal with the hurt I've felt from people, that they can't hurt me anymore, I'll be dead soon anyway, so take your best shot, kind of feeling. 
I went to Kings Park Psych Haunted Asylum, alone on the 4th of July, really because of feeling heart broken from life, and unloved, the being unloved my whole life really got to me, and it is worse now than ever, hurt by people and this world my entire life, so I don't have to worry about people hurting me any longer, because now I hurt my self, by now picking a fight with a demon. Don't have to worry anymore about being afraid of people, or that people will hurt me, because I probably won't survive the Ouija Board, and there is a LIBERATION in saying, fugg it, I don't care, I refuse to fear.

So everybody knows, I got a lot to focus on coming up, read the Bible, meditate, pray, focus on building small youtuber army to 300 youtubers STRONG in about a month, so hoping after today that my past is forgotten about, and I don't want to speak of my past anymore after today, with facing the Ouija Board soon, who the hell can worry about their past, or pain, my soul is on the line in a little over a month, my plate is full to distract me from my past horrors, because I have a brand new horror on the horizons, but a monster hurting me doesn't seem as bad as my fellow human beings hurting me.