Picking Up The Pieces; Part One: Cleaning My Bedroom

figured I would do a nice "mentally stable" blog, about some normal human stuff.

try to do something positive, to feel that finally after blogging so long that, I can now finally be able to use my blogging as a way to organize my mind and life, and deal with and face the pain and anxiety, in a step-by-step process?
and commit to documenting the human experience till the day I die, no matter what, this world is not taking that from me.

The bedroom is always a disaster, I don't have the motivation to face myself, lurking in the shadows of my bedroom, hiding from self, hiding from the world outside and people, hiding from daylight/Sunlight, HIDING FROM THE MIRROR(oh god that's the worst one, I'd probably collapse into a pool of tears in my hands)in need of fresh-air, it's a no wonder I don't just drop to my knees and cry as my eyes water up with how hopeless I am.

The next part 2 of this will be following a daily nutrition plan; protein and greens.
Then the part 3 plan is starting to exercise everyday,
so those are the 3 piece blogs so far to do in the next 7 to 14 days,
right now I am just gathering my strength to start a 40 days and 40 nights film preparation video diary series to prepare to face the Ouija Board, documentary.

Very excited, and frightening.
My heart and soul is in pure agony right now,
I feel like crawling to my firing squad,
seems that would be a relief.

anxiety so bad.

so hurt :(

I think this is the first blog I wrote that is positive,
maybe keep a new streak going,
and this is a first step;
a baby step.