one day HEALING FROM TRAUMA

It was a long ordeal,
this last trauma,
leading from 19 years of constant tragedy.

I'm trying to figure how I can get thru this,
hoping that writing everyday can help,
because I can't block out the pain forever,
and when the pain of realization strikes at moments of the day,
and I cry out, "NO. please NO. the PAIN is coming again.",
I can try different ways to block it out as I try to heal,
but as most of us do,
we take on too much.

I run a YouTube community, too.
And it is amazing,
most of the YouTubers are really nice,
but when you want to escape,
and your number one trauma of life since the day you were born,
is people,
that is complicated. 
(that gif below is how afraid of people I am)

I said I would take a month to heal,
and stay off social media,
and here I am,
so you are stuck between a rock and a hard place,
and the only way to hold on,
is to let go?

How do I not take on too much,
when I'm only on one day after the tragedy,
dying to heal,
and already beginning to take on too much?

I feel so doomed.

thanx for letting me vent