FOR THE LONELY

You know you are damaged when you google,
"the psychology of loneliness",
but I was hoping to find some positive things,
really.
That maybe it would say,
"loneliness makes you WARRIOR tough,
ready to battle ANYTHING",
but no.

Surprisingly it said that loneliness is experienced in the same part of the brain as pain,
no wonder I have been in pure agony my whole life,
all I feel is suffering,
I'm use to it now.
(I know it's "used to" I don't care, I write how I like, you can follow all the rules your entire life)

I should take a vacation from life,
I am trying,
if I put my foot down and really try to do it,
I'd probably end up just doing enough everyday to keep moving forward,
cause I push myself so hard,
I made so many videos lately,
I don't even remember,
I'm in such a dissociated state because my heart is so broken.

And it seems people are angry at me that I'm heart broken,
isn't that cruel.

And now I am moving on with the pressure of trying to battle The Ouija Board,
defeat some sort of demon for God,
or something on those lines,
that's a lot of pressure,
I don't know if I'll be able to stop my self,
the plan is to do it in about 3 weeks,
when I have money and I'm as prepared as I can be,
and somehow I feel, somewhere in psychology,
I'm doing this risky stuff because I am broken-hearted and alone,
and it hurts too bad.

Maybe if a demon beats me up or kills me, my broken heart won't hurt anymore. 

I finally relaxed tonight,
I take on too much,
and I created the best youtube community,
it's going really amazing,
and have a ton of youtube friends,
but I have to know when to say,"I need to destress" and unplug.

this isn't even the icing on the cake,
this is the ice layer on my dying aching heart on fire.

For the lonely souls out there YOU ARE ALONE,
I would not sit here and lie to you and say,
"you are not alone",
those people are FULL OF IT,
of course we are alone,
but what's important, is that it's not as bad as this world makes it out to be,
I have God, and feel closer to God when in solitude away from people,
I feel more lonely around people actually,
cause I know I'll never have the love of a woman, I just won't, and it's ok.

goodbye warrior soul may peace be with you

goodnight cruel world

heart