How broken I am

As I went up to the food-store with my mom,
as my mind cries out,
"Every time I am around people, I feel HURT",
at around the ten minute mark of being in Target,
I started to feel immense emotional pain,
that I don't want to live anymore,
I just want to hide away at home and die.

And I am trying to heal,
day 3 from self-harm,
after heart-break,
I just want to make it 30 days self-harm free right now.
I am watching the show, 'Once Upon A Time',
and I bring that up, because I am on episode 2,
and the show focuses on the power of HOPE,
the power of BELIEVING,
that things will be ok,
and as well as I have given up hope,
and stopped believing in hope,
and said, "I don't believe in hope",
the show made me question this cosmic truth called HOPE,
and right now I only have hope in DEATH,
but maybe I am still holding on to hope that there may be HOPE still left?