THE 19 YEAR BLURNADO IZ OVER: FINALLY FREE?

As I begin this blog,
my mom heads out,
and it's really sad,
telling her that that discharge letter from the therapy program yesterday,
really hurt me,
but it's finally over.

It has been a tough road putting that behind me.
Really painful.
I can barely be alive right now.

19 years of constant tragedy,
starting with the only time I committed suicide,
19 years ago,
pronounced dead in my moms arms,
foamed out the mouth,
DEAD,
I came back to life in my mothers arms,
never underestimate the power of a mothers prayer,
but I came back feeling soulless,
that I crossed over and lost my soul,
so I chased death for the next 8 years to get my soul back,
the last two deaths about 10 years ago,
I was sucked into the portal of hell one day,
and then the portal of heaven the next day,
and I got my soul back,
and God said, "you are now blur".

Also 19 years ago when I committed suicide,
was right after my parents divorced,
a lot of my friends started dying around this time,
my mom ended up in a really bad abusive relationship,
she lost her life the day I committed suicide too,
I fight for my moms redemption too,
it has almost been 20 years later, 
we suffered enough.

And family started to die,
my dog KING we had to put him to sleep,
me and my mom was with him,
and I seen his poor little soul go up to heaven,
and our cat Momma died in my arms,
in my lap,
and I revived her to pray with her,
before she died.

Me and my mom finally broke away from her abusive relationship tragedy,
and the man me and my mom finally escaped from,
he followed my moms sister,
who is mentally ill and disabled,
and he left her in the middle of the road,
crossing,
and she was hit by a car and killed,
and later he committed suicide.

All through this time,
I was trying to succeed creatively,
as a dreamer,
as a youtuber,
me and my mom had a new place to live,
we were trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered selves,
my mom was the only person believing in me,
rooting for me,
to succeed,
and give my mom the life she deserves,
a house,
and some dogs,
and some dignity of life,
then one morning I wake up,
and my youtube of over 1,100 videos was wrongfully terminated for a year and a half,
and that month the car broke down,
I completely blacked out,
that was me and my moms only hope,
and not even a year later,
my mom had a stroke a day before her 60th birthday,
I ended up in a therapy community,
where I fell in love with someone on the first day I met her,
and was madly in love for over a year and a half,
and just ended up leaving the program,
HEART BROKEN,
and just got the program discharge letter in the mail yesterday,
so the reason for this blog and video,
is my soul feeling that I have been through this kind of time-warp of constant tragedy,
it was one tragedy right into another tragedy,
I haven't had one single moment in the past 19 years,
to breathe or heal,
and the heart break hurt the worst,
cause I never met such a beautiful soul,
I wanted her in my life so bad,
that was the breaking point,
to completely let go,
where I'm at now.

There's a lot more to the story.

calling all angels, I need help